Painera, Painera, Painera
Today is more pain and more noise and more sacrifice and more writing. It could be that I am at Painera, Painera, Painera.
Now, I am doing some serious praying and re-thinking of the Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart writing. Perhaps I should be more realistic, for a change. Am I offering much other than personal yap? Perhaps those few and rare souls who are interested in learning about victim souls would be as well served by my simply giving them the title of the out-of-print guide book for them to read on their own, as it can be gotten through interlibrary loan from a few seminary libraries around the country. I could re-type it so others could down-load and make copies. But, maybe God would be as well or better served if I simply, humbly, hiddenly and quietly did what the Guide suggests, which is much prayer and offering of the on-going suffering.
St. Meinrad is out. I realize, anyway, that my motive for going is the beauty and quiet and the possibility of a different distraction from pain. These are not good enough reasons to leave, as there are other aspects to be considered in making a locational move.
Is this a horrible aspect of what I have become over the years--this going up in a euphoric balloon and hoping beyond hope that God has given me something to keep occupied in a worthwhile way, and then coming down to reality of the immolation that I am supposed to be? Or is it just the way pain empties me out, over and over, of my self which keeps trying to fill again, of self: up, up, up to the brim?
As for writing, I'm in the wrong century. I am not a writer of blips and headlines. I am a descriptive writer and poet-at-heart. I have God's time for God, and many people do not--or choose it not.
Pain is my main work, maybe my only work. Writing about it isn't going to change that fact, and the subject never has been or will be of interest to most people. Have I been trying to find company in the suffering? All I need to do is find company with Jesus, and so perhaps it is better for me to spend my time in a chapel, in front of a Crucifix and Tabernacle, to pray to the Great Victim Soul and settle into His Sacred Heart, and to read about the Great Victim Soul and others of His Sacred Heart.
Now, I am doing some serious praying and re-thinking of the Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart writing. Perhaps I should be more realistic, for a change. Am I offering much other than personal yap? Perhaps those few and rare souls who are interested in learning about victim souls would be as well served by my simply giving them the title of the out-of-print guide book for them to read on their own, as it can be gotten through interlibrary loan from a few seminary libraries around the country. I could re-type it so others could down-load and make copies. But, maybe God would be as well or better served if I simply, humbly, hiddenly and quietly did what the Guide suggests, which is much prayer and offering of the on-going suffering.
St. Meinrad is out. I realize, anyway, that my motive for going is the beauty and quiet and the possibility of a different distraction from pain. These are not good enough reasons to leave, as there are other aspects to be considered in making a locational move.
Is this a horrible aspect of what I have become over the years--this going up in a euphoric balloon and hoping beyond hope that God has given me something to keep occupied in a worthwhile way, and then coming down to reality of the immolation that I am supposed to be? Or is it just the way pain empties me out, over and over, of my self which keeps trying to fill again, of self: up, up, up to the brim?
As for writing, I'm in the wrong century. I am not a writer of blips and headlines. I am a descriptive writer and poet-at-heart. I have God's time for God, and many people do not--or choose it not.
Pain is my main work, maybe my only work. Writing about it isn't going to change that fact, and the subject never has been or will be of interest to most people. Have I been trying to find company in the suffering? All I need to do is find company with Jesus, and so perhaps it is better for me to spend my time in a chapel, in front of a Crucifix and Tabernacle, to pray to the Great Victim Soul and settle into His Sacred Heart, and to read about the Great Victim Soul and others of His Sacred Heart.
posted by The Catholic Hermit | 11:33 AM
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