The Queenship of Mary
Today is the 10th anniversary of my Confirmation as a Roman Catholic. It seems as if I have dragged my body to the finish line of one decade. After Mass at the convent where I first received help through books on suffering and mortification, and where I first encountered, up-close for religious purposes, Catholics, I took the priest to lunch. This priest has been with me on this journey for the full ten years, which I told him is quite something to have tolerated me this long. He laughed. He laughs easily, being Irish and holy and always the gentleman and wise and everything of goodness.
I am concerned about his health. He had some heart troubles a year ago, and today he was coughing and seemed not well, weakened, and yet calmly upbeat. He took me to task in his loving way, pointing out that I am complaining about how some people react to me when I am writing about Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart. "Goodness," he exclaimed, but not in his usual robust way of exclaiming. "Here you are, writing about Victim Souls and God has given you a full field for practice. You should be saying, when people snub you, 'O Jesus, you were slighted! I am so grateful for these insults and slights and offer them to Your Sacred Heart!'"
Immediately, I said, "Oh, I will do that right now! How easilyy I forget." But he said, "You should have done it this morning when that man didn't respond when you nodded to him, and you were so easily hurt. It is another example of too much self." Well, I admit readily that this is true, and that the problem is in my head, all figured out, but it is so hard to get those emotions under control--to subdue the passions and the self! However, I point out that in God's timelessness, surely He will accept my offering of the insult, after-the-fact from my earthly time. I immediately pray aloud at the restaurant table: "O Jesus, I thank Thee for everything and for the man who was rude this morning, and that I didn't offer it up immediately for use by Your Sacred Heart for souls!" My dear Da smiles and says it is too late; I retort that it is better late than never. He concedes. He is so good to me and often concedes; he says it is my intent that matters, and I must learn to have the intention of love even when people are rude and hurtful.
As far as my making it ten years through the rigors of the Faith, Father says that following Jesus, truly, is never easy. He says, "But look how your soul has grown! Look at your spiritual growth!" Today I can't see it, but I suppose just the fact that I'm now willing--even excited about--heading back into a situation which is rife with hurts and put-downs, gives me a clue that at least I've learned something about victim soulhood and to strive for virtues. The Da tells me, "You need a deeper conversion!" He explains that this means to go deeper into faith and to perfect the virtues. He asks, "Where is your love with these people, mean though they be? They are only upset because you rile them by your devotion and make them feel guilty." I tell him that my love is "thin". He laughs again and says, "Well, there you have it!" I tell him I'll pray for greater virtues, and practice them, and try to love more. He says it isn't so much the reading but of offering myself all the more, of getting over so much "self".
Yes, yes. There is still so much "self" in "me." I admit that I am fussy, angry, depressed, and rebelling against my will being broken. Yes, God is breaking my will, and I am struggling against Him. I must stop struggling and accept the great grace of a broken self-will. So, I am heading back into the field of suffering and to learn to offer any insults or my own hurt feelings and resentments as trophies to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, in much gratitude. Even if I don't feel so grateful at the moment the emotions surface, I will train myself to say, "O Jesus, I thank Thee for everything! I offer this for love of Thee, for the conversion of sinners, and for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary!" In this way, it is a start toward subduing the passions, and I trust that Jesus will accept the imperfect offering, as in time and by His grace, the offering will become perfected. At some point, I pray that I will feel great desire and love in receiving insults and slights and hindrances so that it will be more to offer Jesus! I will be more conformed to His life. If I slip up, I will offer them as I did today, a little late but better than never. This challenge could be fun, if I keep trying and offering. I must not avoid the fields of suffering, however. They are the practice fields for the march to Calvary.
Lately, too, I have been offering my grumpiness, my hatefulness, my self-pity--all to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. There wasn't much else of me to offer. This morning the self-pity was at a record high, and I pulled out a poem I wrote back when I was in a denomination and people were reacting to some of my thoughts, which later I realized were more Catholic. I guess I have always been Catholic at heart. Well, why shouldn't everyone be? That is where we all began, twenty centuries ago when Jesus founded His Church on the Rock, on Peter. Since that moment, the Church has been handed down generation by generation through Apostolic Succession. I found this out when I started asking questions and reading about what was before the Reformation. I started praying to Jesus: Which is YOUR Church, Jesus? I had been in various denominations and in each I was told this was started by so-and-so a hundred years ago, or two hundred years ago, or four hundred years ago, or twenty years ago. My prayer got answered, and I was led straight into the Catholic Church. Someone in my family argued the term, but I explained that the Church was always the Catholic Church, being called that from the first century or shortly after.
From reading the poem, now, I see that the same intensity for Christ is no doubt what bothers some people yet today. But, this intensity is only my stumbling block because I let what people say and think and do upset me. Like the schoolyard bullies, once I ignore the little jabs and stand firm, living for God and not so concerned with self and self-feelings, these others won't be a problem anymore. I was going to share the poem in this post, but now I think not. Rather, I might hope to have a little poem come tonight while praying in the chapel. Maybe there could be a poem of gratitude for ten years of spiritual growth like I've never known or imagined!
I have never loved or been impassioned about anything in my life to begin to compare with my love of Jesus and His Holy Catholic Church! The Eucharist--all the Sacraments! The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass! The Scriptures and daily homilies, the Feast Days and getting to know the Virgin Mary as a personal reality of loving help. model, and intercession! Confession and spiritual direction! Truth, truth, truth! Catholicism is not just another religion; it is truly the way of life.
St. John of the Cross wrote something which diagnosed one of my main weaknesses. He wrote about having joy in moral goods and the necessity of removing one's joy in them. When one takes pleasure in accomplishment of works, the passion of joy becomes strong and, "as a result people usually become inconstant in their practice of good works and resolutions; they leave these aside and take up others, starting and stopping without ever finishing anything. Since they are motivated by satisfaction [for self, not joy of the work rooted in and for God], which is changeable...their work ends when the satisfaction does, and their resolution, too, even though it may concern an important endeavor. We can say of those for whom the energy and soul of their work is the joy they find in it, that when the joy dies out the good work ceases, and they do not persevere."
So, the solution is to withdraw the human will from that kind of joy in work. St. John advises, "A wise person is concerned about the substance and benefit of a work, not about the delight or satisfaction it yields." Doing all for the purpose of glorifying God, in acknowledgement of Him, brings a stable joy from the work. It is a joy that belongs to God and should be offered to Him.
I can see that in the work of writing about Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart. Already I was questioning the good or worth of this endeavor. Self had entered the picture; would I have joy in this work? Would there be worth to it? Instead, I must consider that there is substance and benefit from writing on the topic, as my intention must be to please God. Any joy derived will be joy from God and joy for God and joy to God.
This is true, also, in the work of picking up my crosses daily and following Jesus on the narrow path, in sufferings, with perseverance, as there is substance and benefit from this work. I must not be concerned with the delight or satisfaction it yields, although there is the joy of God for it is His delight and joy when we souls love Him and offer ourselves fully and totally to Him. St. Paul wrote to the Ephesians: "So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed Himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma" (5:1-2).
The next decade of my Catholic life on earth will be challenging and filled with unexpected joys from God and offered immediately back to Him. If I physically die, my Catholic soul will continue growing in holiness to reach the ultimate joy of union in Christ. Thank You, Lord! Happy Anniversary on this Queenship of Mary!
I am concerned about his health. He had some heart troubles a year ago, and today he was coughing and seemed not well, weakened, and yet calmly upbeat. He took me to task in his loving way, pointing out that I am complaining about how some people react to me when I am writing about Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart. "Goodness," he exclaimed, but not in his usual robust way of exclaiming. "Here you are, writing about Victim Souls and God has given you a full field for practice. You should be saying, when people snub you, 'O Jesus, you were slighted! I am so grateful for these insults and slights and offer them to Your Sacred Heart!'"
Immediately, I said, "Oh, I will do that right now! How easilyy I forget." But he said, "You should have done it this morning when that man didn't respond when you nodded to him, and you were so easily hurt. It is another example of too much self." Well, I admit readily that this is true, and that the problem is in my head, all figured out, but it is so hard to get those emotions under control--to subdue the passions and the self! However, I point out that in God's timelessness, surely He will accept my offering of the insult, after-the-fact from my earthly time. I immediately pray aloud at the restaurant table: "O Jesus, I thank Thee for everything and for the man who was rude this morning, and that I didn't offer it up immediately for use by Your Sacred Heart for souls!" My dear Da smiles and says it is too late; I retort that it is better late than never. He concedes. He is so good to me and often concedes; he says it is my intent that matters, and I must learn to have the intention of love even when people are rude and hurtful.
As far as my making it ten years through the rigors of the Faith, Father says that following Jesus, truly, is never easy. He says, "But look how your soul has grown! Look at your spiritual growth!" Today I can't see it, but I suppose just the fact that I'm now willing--even excited about--heading back into a situation which is rife with hurts and put-downs, gives me a clue that at least I've learned something about victim soulhood and to strive for virtues. The Da tells me, "You need a deeper conversion!" He explains that this means to go deeper into faith and to perfect the virtues. He asks, "Where is your love with these people, mean though they be? They are only upset because you rile them by your devotion and make them feel guilty." I tell him that my love is "thin". He laughs again and says, "Well, there you have it!" I tell him I'll pray for greater virtues, and practice them, and try to love more. He says it isn't so much the reading but of offering myself all the more, of getting over so much "self".
Yes, yes. There is still so much "self" in "me." I admit that I am fussy, angry, depressed, and rebelling against my will being broken. Yes, God is breaking my will, and I am struggling against Him. I must stop struggling and accept the great grace of a broken self-will. So, I am heading back into the field of suffering and to learn to offer any insults or my own hurt feelings and resentments as trophies to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, in much gratitude. Even if I don't feel so grateful at the moment the emotions surface, I will train myself to say, "O Jesus, I thank Thee for everything! I offer this for love of Thee, for the conversion of sinners, and for the sins committed against the Immaculate Heart of Mary!" In this way, it is a start toward subduing the passions, and I trust that Jesus will accept the imperfect offering, as in time and by His grace, the offering will become perfected. At some point, I pray that I will feel great desire and love in receiving insults and slights and hindrances so that it will be more to offer Jesus! I will be more conformed to His life. If I slip up, I will offer them as I did today, a little late but better than never. This challenge could be fun, if I keep trying and offering. I must not avoid the fields of suffering, however. They are the practice fields for the march to Calvary.
Lately, too, I have been offering my grumpiness, my hatefulness, my self-pity--all to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. There wasn't much else of me to offer. This morning the self-pity was at a record high, and I pulled out a poem I wrote back when I was in a denomination and people were reacting to some of my thoughts, which later I realized were more Catholic. I guess I have always been Catholic at heart. Well, why shouldn't everyone be? That is where we all began, twenty centuries ago when Jesus founded His Church on the Rock, on Peter. Since that moment, the Church has been handed down generation by generation through Apostolic Succession. I found this out when I started asking questions and reading about what was before the Reformation. I started praying to Jesus: Which is YOUR Church, Jesus? I had been in various denominations and in each I was told this was started by so-and-so a hundred years ago, or two hundred years ago, or four hundred years ago, or twenty years ago. My prayer got answered, and I was led straight into the Catholic Church. Someone in my family argued the term, but I explained that the Church was always the Catholic Church, being called that from the first century or shortly after.
From reading the poem, now, I see that the same intensity for Christ is no doubt what bothers some people yet today. But, this intensity is only my stumbling block because I let what people say and think and do upset me. Like the schoolyard bullies, once I ignore the little jabs and stand firm, living for God and not so concerned with self and self-feelings, these others won't be a problem anymore. I was going to share the poem in this post, but now I think not. Rather, I might hope to have a little poem come tonight while praying in the chapel. Maybe there could be a poem of gratitude for ten years of spiritual growth like I've never known or imagined!
I have never loved or been impassioned about anything in my life to begin to compare with my love of Jesus and His Holy Catholic Church! The Eucharist--all the Sacraments! The Holy Sacrifice of the Mass! The Scriptures and daily homilies, the Feast Days and getting to know the Virgin Mary as a personal reality of loving help. model, and intercession! Confession and spiritual direction! Truth, truth, truth! Catholicism is not just another religion; it is truly the way of life.
St. John of the Cross wrote something which diagnosed one of my main weaknesses. He wrote about having joy in moral goods and the necessity of removing one's joy in them. When one takes pleasure in accomplishment of works, the passion of joy becomes strong and, "as a result people usually become inconstant in their practice of good works and resolutions; they leave these aside and take up others, starting and stopping without ever finishing anything. Since they are motivated by satisfaction [for self, not joy of the work rooted in and for God], which is changeable...their work ends when the satisfaction does, and their resolution, too, even though it may concern an important endeavor. We can say of those for whom the energy and soul of their work is the joy they find in it, that when the joy dies out the good work ceases, and they do not persevere."
So, the solution is to withdraw the human will from that kind of joy in work. St. John advises, "A wise person is concerned about the substance and benefit of a work, not about the delight or satisfaction it yields." Doing all for the purpose of glorifying God, in acknowledgement of Him, brings a stable joy from the work. It is a joy that belongs to God and should be offered to Him.
I can see that in the work of writing about Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart. Already I was questioning the good or worth of this endeavor. Self had entered the picture; would I have joy in this work? Would there be worth to it? Instead, I must consider that there is substance and benefit from writing on the topic, as my intention must be to please God. Any joy derived will be joy from God and joy for God and joy to God.
This is true, also, in the work of picking up my crosses daily and following Jesus on the narrow path, in sufferings, with perseverance, as there is substance and benefit from this work. I must not be concerned with the delight or satisfaction it yields, although there is the joy of God for it is His delight and joy when we souls love Him and offer ourselves fully and totally to Him. St. Paul wrote to the Ephesians: "So be imitators of God, as beloved children, and live in love, as Christ loved us and handed Himself over for us as a sacrificial offering to God for a fragrant aroma" (5:1-2).
The next decade of my Catholic life on earth will be challenging and filled with unexpected joys from God and offered immediately back to Him. If I physically die, my Catholic soul will continue growing in holiness to reach the ultimate joy of union in Christ. Thank You, Lord! Happy Anniversary on this Queenship of Mary!
posted by The Catholic Hermit | 1:33 PM
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