Duc in Altum

Today's Gospel reading at Mass is Luke 5:1-11. One of my favorites (I know, they all seem to be my favorites), this message highlights recent thoughts on "the deep-end." Jesus tells the disciples to "cast out into the deep" in order to catch fish. Peter tells Him they have been casting out all night, with no good results. But, Peter adds that because Jesus tells them, they will do so once again. Into the boats with their nets and out into the deep they go. They cast once more, and the haul is so enormous that another boat is asked to help load all the fish and take them to shore. When the catch is brought up in the nets, though, Peter is so humbled and astounded that he falls to his knees in front of Jesus and exclaims, "Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man!" Jesus knows this already, but nonetheless He tells Peter and James and John that from now on they'll be catching men instead of fish. When ashore, the new disciples leave all and follow Jesus.

Jesus has this affect on souls who, for one thing, listen to His suggestions and directions. For the second thing, it helps to be in the boat with Jesus. For the third thing, it is as well to admit our sinfulness and inadequacy. There are many other things, too, but a big one is to take action and follow Him wherever He goes. This means giving up our lives. It means, I guess, getting the lead out and being like a stretchy, empty, available balloon. It means leaving the shallow end once we have the initial ability to swim (or know how to catch fish) and getting into the deep end where we will learn to swim (or catch our souls and others) in the darkness of inner faith, with hope, and in love.

Last night, praying in the chapel before the Tabernacle, I began to sense something different about me and in regard to Jesus in the Tabernacle. I started to feel very dirty and smelly. I felt big and hulky and--and sinful, which is the best way I can describe it. This wasn't some self-inflicted pious thought of humility; it just started to come as a natural awareness: I am a dirty, smelly body of sinfulness. All the same, I am allowed in the Real Presence of Jesus, at all times, and He loves me. He knows how dirty and smelly is the one who kneels or lies on the floor in front of Him. He still bestows His peace upon me, and I still plop myself in front of Him.

However, last night I also read something which caused me to shudder, and then to think. Someone or more than one has told me that I think too much. It helps me to think things through; and too often I have not, with disastrous results. Peter thought things through sometimes, and sometimes not. He knew to be obedient to Jesus and threw those nets out one more time--which led to a whole life of net casting! I am going to keep casting nets, too, which now means to keep writing and thinking and praying and whatever else is pleasing to Jesus.

A holy woman who I met in Avila, Spain, and who lives in Michigan sent me a manuscript written by a French nun in the late 1800's. There are the necessary approvals that these writings are not in error and are in keeping with Scripture, theology, and Church teaching. The French nun had an unusual experience: a deceased nun started making herself known through speaking from her state in purgatory. The living sister did not like this, but eventually her spiritual director and the sister in purgatory convinced her, by the power of God, that this experience was by His will, not the devil, and that she must cooperate.

I have read only the first several pages of this manuscript, and it is riveting. It turns my mind inside out and goes right to the soul. The advice the one in purgatory shares with the living I can take personally, as it of goodness and truth. Not ease and comfort, however, but we don't benefit by those aspects of life, nice as they are; our souls reach resurrection, always, through the cross, only the cross. This particular passage needs to be a major focus in my spiritual renovation work.

"You must never judge or examine the conduct of your sisters [others]; you will not have to give an account of their lives. Neither must you use their conduct as your model. God does not ask the same perfection from all. Mortify yourself, and do not seek to find out if others are doing all you do. God does not require it of them...."

Another selection which caught my attention, for the intention of change is this:

"When you are suffering you must not go telling everyone. It does not console you. In the first place, you should tell it to Jesus, but most often it is to Him you tell it last."

And, yet another which shoots humiliation and desire to change my ways is this:

"Do nothing to distinguish yourself. Without offending anyone, avoid the company of those who are too unreserved and those who are uncharitable. As for yourself, be busy about your own affairs. Keep your opinions to yourself and never express them unless obliged to do so. Be preoccupied with only that one object, the main spring of your life, Jesus."

Surely there will be much in this unpublished manuscript which will be of benefit for others who may be interested in the Victim Souls of the Sacred Heart. Pray that I am able to get the web page developed, and that I can make available some of these excellent writings of others. A holy young man is going to help me with the web page, and to him I am grateful. More likely, I will be "helping" him--through prayer and encouragement, as I lack technological expertise!

We must keep casting our nets, though, even into the deep waters of communication which can be utilized for catching the souls of mankind for Jesus. Duc in altum!