God Chooses Me to Remain a Catholic
Out of darkness, again.
These attacks always seem to go deeper and deeper, and while in them, all seems perfectly logical and clear. Or, at least my thinking through them seems logical and clear. This time at least I could tell that I was in darkness, and I had enough stamina (due to the prayers of others and a Eucharist offering on my behalf by a friend) to detect the wild thoughts from other thoughts that may have been beneficial. Or, at least God brought benefit from them.
Yes, it seemed as if most Catholics were unChristian in behavior. It seemed as if I was to get a divorce from the Church--not a divorce from Catholicism but from all but the kernal. Yet now I see that one cannot divorce oneself from the Body of Christ unless willing to be amputated and tossed in the disposable tissues and organ container.
The review of the past 11 years of Catholic existence, however, was good. I laid it out, including my falls and sins, including others' falls and sins, too. It was good to unveil myself so completely (and I have in confession), but it was not necessary to unveil nasty behaviors of others. Why are they nasty when they have everything God can possibly give them in the Catholic faith?
This is what has come to me. (And I must include my own nastiness because I have reacted to nastiness and become rather nasty and unChristian-like, so this critical review was good indeed.)
I think that God chooses me to remain Catholic because He so chooses. He wants what is best for me, and I know it. I know Catholicism is best. It is Truth. There is no denying this fact. In lucidity, now, I see not only the truth of the Faith written in books (oh, yes, in Scripture!) but also see the truth of the Faith lived out by people from the Apostles up to the present day.
I also see Catholicism not lived out by Catholics. Why?
And, why doesn't God choose for me to return to Protestantism after such hard knocks in the past 11 years as a Catholic?
What came to me this morning while brushing my teeth is that Protestantism is a spiritual education which goes up to 6th grade, if that far. And I am the first to see that many Protestants are so good and Christian and strive to their utmost in excelling through each grade to that point. It is a marvel to behold; and I am indebted for my Protestant first 44 years. I know that Protestants go to heaven, are sanctified by God in their holiness, and there are even Protestant mystics and stigmatists. But they only are accountable and can strive to the degree that they are willing and open. This ends at "6th grade, if that far" on a soul school range of grades going to post-graduate and even beyond.
Catholics have all the grade range of spiritual availability. Why is it many do not even get to 6th grade? I don't know. But I have some ideas.
Some has to do with complacency and acceptance of a mistaken right of passage without the effort of Christian behaviors and soul work involved. Maybe it has to do with a kind of comfort zone existence in doing the pious exercises and being obedient to obligations without making mature transfer of content and concepts to application levels, to critical and creative thinking levels, to spiritual maturation played out wholly in corporal and spiritual works of mercy.
Catholics have it all, and many strive for the heights. And there are those who reach the heights. We have all the examples of saints and great spiritual writers and beyond all, we have the Sacraments which includes the Real Body and Blood of Jesus Christ as food for this earthly pilgrimage.
What has concerned me, and rightly so, is that I stepped back and criticized and analyzed and saw that I myself have lost some Christian-like behavior and attitude. It is tempting for Catholics to become cozy in interiority. There is so much to learn, read, pray, and experience in worship and Sacramental life. We hear daily (if we go to daily Mass) all the Bible and teachings of Jesus. We are told to consider Christ being in our neighbor and to have charity for all as a means of loving Jesus Who is in all. We are taught how to turn from evil and wickedness and turn to Jesus.
This morning the priest explained that it is in turning to Jesus that we tend to forget that we are turning away from something, and to examine what that something is and that it is evil and that there is bound to be a struggle because the devil does not want us to turn from him. The devil knows that Jesus has dominion over him, and thus the attacks and struggle heighten as the devil sees us turning away and toward Jesus. The devil is up against a kind of time-line and works all the faster and forcefully when we turn to good and God.
So, we are taught everything necessary, and all that Jesus did and taught and still does is explained quite clearly. If we Catholics listen. And we are encouraged and taught how to apply all this in our earthly lives. We are given the Eucharist (Jesus Himself) as food for the strength and nourishment; we are given Sacrament of Penance (confession), Baptism, Confirmation--all the gifts of the Holy Spirit; we are given every possible, real and factual and mystical means to be holy. If we avail ourselves of these gifts and apply them actively.
As a Protestant, I did not know of much and most of all that I have been thus far taught as a Catholic. So, there is just no comparison, not really. But Protestants are in general very good, and do good deeds, and are kind and loving to each other, in general. Not all. But in my personal experience, I have not had such an easy ride in Catholicism thus far. Why?
The devil.
I wasn't taught much about the devil as a Protestant. Maybe they are doing more on this now. I don't know. I was taught about the devil, but I guess it is that I didn't have to deal much with him. Why?
This is a key issue. I think, from my own experience, that the devil doesn't mess much with Protestants. Why should he bother? It would be like an employer bothering with a third- or sixth-grader. No, the employer has his eyes on the high school grad or college grad. In other words, the devil isn't too concerned about Protestants because their level of potential is weak compared to the level of potential of Catholics, since Catholics have access to the Real Body and Blood of Christ and all Truths of Christianity. Catholics are in another school, altogether, than Protestants--in an entirely different classification. Catholics have the potential to be critical and major threats to the devil. Catholics, when they turn from evil and toward Jesus, they do so with such power in the manifold tangible and supernatural gifts available that they keep the devil hopping.
This is why I have had such a rough time as a Catholic. I have turned to Jesus through Catholicism with all my body, mind, heart and soul. All my strength and will and love. Other Catholics do the same. Even and maybe especially priests and consecrated religious in general. And, many have been tripped and halted in their turning and progressing by the devil.
We know of these cases. I see them in others, and I have seen them in myself.
Well, I want to simply list some reasons God has shown me in the past day or so as to why He chooses me to remain a Catholic, although the devil tried to convince me that maybe God sincerely wanted me to return to Protestantism or to a kind of isolated Catholicism.
God chooses me to remain a Catholic because there is no greater gift He would give anyone. And the devil knows this. And the devil has worked extra hard at trying to stain and ruin Catholics in general and specific. But I cannot let him ruin me.
These attacks always seem to go deeper and deeper, and while in them, all seems perfectly logical and clear. Or, at least my thinking through them seems logical and clear. This time at least I could tell that I was in darkness, and I had enough stamina (due to the prayers of others and a Eucharist offering on my behalf by a friend) to detect the wild thoughts from other thoughts that may have been beneficial. Or, at least God brought benefit from them.
Yes, it seemed as if most Catholics were unChristian in behavior. It seemed as if I was to get a divorce from the Church--not a divorce from Catholicism but from all but the kernal. Yet now I see that one cannot divorce oneself from the Body of Christ unless willing to be amputated and tossed in the disposable tissues and organ container.
The review of the past 11 years of Catholic existence, however, was good. I laid it out, including my falls and sins, including others' falls and sins, too. It was good to unveil myself so completely (and I have in confession), but it was not necessary to unveil nasty behaviors of others. Why are they nasty when they have everything God can possibly give them in the Catholic faith?
This is what has come to me. (And I must include my own nastiness because I have reacted to nastiness and become rather nasty and unChristian-like, so this critical review was good indeed.)
I think that God chooses me to remain Catholic because He so chooses. He wants what is best for me, and I know it. I know Catholicism is best. It is Truth. There is no denying this fact. In lucidity, now, I see not only the truth of the Faith written in books (oh, yes, in Scripture!) but also see the truth of the Faith lived out by people from the Apostles up to the present day.
I also see Catholicism not lived out by Catholics. Why?
And, why doesn't God choose for me to return to Protestantism after such hard knocks in the past 11 years as a Catholic?
What came to me this morning while brushing my teeth is that Protestantism is a spiritual education which goes up to 6th grade, if that far. And I am the first to see that many Protestants are so good and Christian and strive to their utmost in excelling through each grade to that point. It is a marvel to behold; and I am indebted for my Protestant first 44 years. I know that Protestants go to heaven, are sanctified by God in their holiness, and there are even Protestant mystics and stigmatists. But they only are accountable and can strive to the degree that they are willing and open. This ends at "6th grade, if that far" on a soul school range of grades going to post-graduate and even beyond.
Catholics have all the grade range of spiritual availability. Why is it many do not even get to 6th grade? I don't know. But I have some ideas.
Some has to do with complacency and acceptance of a mistaken right of passage without the effort of Christian behaviors and soul work involved. Maybe it has to do with a kind of comfort zone existence in doing the pious exercises and being obedient to obligations without making mature transfer of content and concepts to application levels, to critical and creative thinking levels, to spiritual maturation played out wholly in corporal and spiritual works of mercy.
Catholics have it all, and many strive for the heights. And there are those who reach the heights. We have all the examples of saints and great spiritual writers and beyond all, we have the Sacraments which includes the Real Body and Blood of Jesus Christ as food for this earthly pilgrimage.
What has concerned me, and rightly so, is that I stepped back and criticized and analyzed and saw that I myself have lost some Christian-like behavior and attitude. It is tempting for Catholics to become cozy in interiority. There is so much to learn, read, pray, and experience in worship and Sacramental life. We hear daily (if we go to daily Mass) all the Bible and teachings of Jesus. We are told to consider Christ being in our neighbor and to have charity for all as a means of loving Jesus Who is in all. We are taught how to turn from evil and wickedness and turn to Jesus.
This morning the priest explained that it is in turning to Jesus that we tend to forget that we are turning away from something, and to examine what that something is and that it is evil and that there is bound to be a struggle because the devil does not want us to turn from him. The devil knows that Jesus has dominion over him, and thus the attacks and struggle heighten as the devil sees us turning away and toward Jesus. The devil is up against a kind of time-line and works all the faster and forcefully when we turn to good and God.
So, we are taught everything necessary, and all that Jesus did and taught and still does is explained quite clearly. If we Catholics listen. And we are encouraged and taught how to apply all this in our earthly lives. We are given the Eucharist (Jesus Himself) as food for the strength and nourishment; we are given Sacrament of Penance (confession), Baptism, Confirmation--all the gifts of the Holy Spirit; we are given every possible, real and factual and mystical means to be holy. If we avail ourselves of these gifts and apply them actively.
As a Protestant, I did not know of much and most of all that I have been thus far taught as a Catholic. So, there is just no comparison, not really. But Protestants are in general very good, and do good deeds, and are kind and loving to each other, in general. Not all. But in my personal experience, I have not had such an easy ride in Catholicism thus far. Why?
The devil.
I wasn't taught much about the devil as a Protestant. Maybe they are doing more on this now. I don't know. I was taught about the devil, but I guess it is that I didn't have to deal much with him. Why?
This is a key issue. I think, from my own experience, that the devil doesn't mess much with Protestants. Why should he bother? It would be like an employer bothering with a third- or sixth-grader. No, the employer has his eyes on the high school grad or college grad. In other words, the devil isn't too concerned about Protestants because their level of potential is weak compared to the level of potential of Catholics, since Catholics have access to the Real Body and Blood of Christ and all Truths of Christianity. Catholics are in another school, altogether, than Protestants--in an entirely different classification. Catholics have the potential to be critical and major threats to the devil. Catholics, when they turn from evil and toward Jesus, they do so with such power in the manifold tangible and supernatural gifts available that they keep the devil hopping.
This is why I have had such a rough time as a Catholic. I have turned to Jesus through Catholicism with all my body, mind, heart and soul. All my strength and will and love. Other Catholics do the same. Even and maybe especially priests and consecrated religious in general. And, many have been tripped and halted in their turning and progressing by the devil.
We know of these cases. I see them in others, and I have seen them in myself.
Well, I want to simply list some reasons God has shown me in the past day or so as to why He chooses me to remain a Catholic, although the devil tried to convince me that maybe God sincerely wanted me to return to Protestantism or to a kind of isolated Catholicism.
- an elderly, recent widower praying on his knees, rosary in hands, head bowed, before Jesus' Real Presence in the Blessed Sacrament in the monstrance (O Sacrament Most Holy, O Sacrament Divine! All praise and all thanksgiving, be every moment Thine!);
- an elderly woman praying the Stations of the Cross after a crowded 6:30 a.m. Mass;
- a priest up-and-at-'em each morning, celebrating 6:30 Mass, reading his Divine Office and leading the rosary in a chapel before celebrating 8:15 a.m. Mass for school children (yes, different homilies for the variant Mass attendees) and often a funeral Mass later in the morning, besides running a large school, vast property, visiting the sick, and being available for confessions and counseling, and innumerable financial, people, and facility problems;
- a priest at the Cathedral chapel celebrating daily Masses, and another hearing confessions for nearly two hours, and then off to innumerable tasks in running a Cathedral, assisting the Bishop with tasks too great and numerous to fathom--besides working on their own spiritual lives;
- a throng of people at all these Masses--people with rosaries, prayer books, spiritual growth books; people with problems and issues from all classes and races of humanity, all ages and levels of intelligence; people on their knees before God; people giving their financial and physical resources--time and talent;
- and beyond--theologians, writers, publishers, religious communities, seminaries, and even more so: families--all and many others not just belonging to a denomination but living a faith moment-by-moment, willing to give up all for this faith and to die for it;
- a Catholic young woman who with her boyfriend spent 33 days praying and consecrating themselves to the Blessed Virgin Mary (and did I know much if anything about her when Protestant? Of course not, for she is the devil's prominent enemy), concluding with confession and Mass and writing out their commitments to submission to her Son; and these and many other young people who have so much more awareness of Christianity and spiritual life--including knowledge of the Bible;
- and many Catholic people who are friendly, kind, helpful, and generous to others.
God chooses me to remain a Catholic because there is no greater gift He would give anyone. And the devil knows this. And the devil has worked extra hard at trying to stain and ruin Catholics in general and specific. But I cannot let him ruin me.
posted by The Catholic Hermit | 7:58 AM
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