Formation to Humility: Days Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen

The Dangers of My Condition: Day Eleven. An analysis with respect to good and evil shows us the extreme frailty of the resources sustaining our spiritual perfection and the strength of the enemies who are intent on its ruin. By meditating on the weaknesses and dangers, we can learn the need of speical graces and gain reasoned conviction.


The Dangers of My Liberty and Evil Inclinations. Our own liberty is a frail instrument that forms our eternity. It shows its instability by being dependent upon the motives that govern it. The best way to control ourselves is to place ourselves within reach of good impressions and favorable motives. If our freedom uses the choice imprudently, it is drawn to evil; even after a whole lifetime of fidelity, our freedom remains unsound.

Among the most harmful influences which turn us to evil are our evil inclinations. They are an essential part of our being and consist in lack of balance. While they hide under the appearance of various goods, they are to be feared even when dormant, for their awakening finds us trusting in ourselves and thus disarmed. Whether or not we admit it, these evil inclinations reside within us. If encouraged, they rule; if opposed they still remain latent but working.

We can know these evil inclinations exist if we consider what would be our way of life if we did not have hell to dread or not have God to love, no reputation to safeguard or consequences to fear. When habit is added to these latent forces of uncontrolled inclinations, evil instincts flood and the also instinctive horror of evil is swept away. God's mercy alone can save the unhappy victim, and God's mercy comes by humility.

Dangers from the World, the Devil, and Circumstances. The world and its influences, the influence of the behavior of others, affects us like nothing else. If others do something, we think we can, too; and not much can overthrow this irrational conviction. While the saints know the power and activity of the devil, his influence is more fatal over those who are unaware of it. We cannot keep out of the world or the devil's way, and if they join and influence our evil inclinations, they will overcome our liberty. What will happen to us if our pride, estranged from the love of God, gives us over to these enemies?

There are some circumstances to which we will freely fall. "God knows them all, including the most formidable; He measures the degree of resistance I can offer, and He knows that in certain cases, this degree, sufficient in itself, would fall short because of my own deficiencies." Only God knows, by His free will, whether or not He will allow the occasions to arise, will avert them, will come to our assistance or allow us to fall, if He allows the struggle to arise.

Our dependence upon God is all the more crucial; we need the grace to which we have no claim. "O my god, You know the concurrence of all events....Before sending special assistance, You look upon the dispositions of the endangered soul. If you see that it is humble nad submissive, You stretch out Your hand and it is saved. But if You see it rigid with pride, You turn away Your face, and it is lost."

"O God my Father, I do not fear You, but myself; I shall not fear myself if I flee to the shelter of Your mercy. I will take refuge there, and never leave it. I will study its laws; learn to be gentle and tolerant with others, as You are with me; I will seek no esteem for myself but give praise to You for all the good to which I have no claim. I will accept all the miseries of my life, all the times I am overlooked, despiesed, disappointed and humiliated, as the effect of Your mercy and justice, as the providential instrument of my present rehabilitation and future glory."

"O God my Father, You have given me Your Son, Jesus. With Him, I am sure of You. Living in Him, I am sure of myself. O Jesus come to my nothingness, fill it, vivify it; let us live together, love together and go forward together."

My Faults: Day Twelve. We are in our own territory now; our sin is our property in which God has no part. In order to judge our own worth, we must examine every corner of our sinful lives. We must know that we will not know until our last day our rank among sinners, and that the degree of guilt is not determined by gravity or number of sins. We also must consider the bearing of humility we should assume before others, but for now we must focus on sorrow for our offences and to comprehend our worthlessness, to feel abased before God and in our own consciences.

The Reality of My Sins. We must review our lives, as in a general confession, taking each successive period and consider the dominant factors and sins. We must do this, however, without wrongly stirring our imaginations. The reality of our guilt lies not only in the fact of our sins but also in their motives. The real motives of sin are always base. Fundamentally, we sin to meet our own satisfaction. Even our good intentions can be corrupt by the need or desire to appear better than we really are.

We can only appreciate the reality of our faults by dwelling on the long series committed in spite of so many graces. God has blessed us with so in earthly life in addition to graces during prayer, of preservation of life, and inspirations of the Holy Spirit. How many absolutions we have received and yet commit fresh sins! We should be overwhelmed by God's goodness and mercy, so patient and persevering with us, despite our ingratitude.

Our attitude should be of repentance, and above all, of humility. Even though we have repented and been absolved, and our sins washed away, and their effects, too, perhaps, the fact of them remains.

My Loss of Worth, Dignity and Ideal. When we consider our worth, our spiritual strength, we realize we have no right to confidence in ourselves. How could we claim to guide and possess ourselves when we continually sin, repent, and sin again? We fall at a slight temptation if a short time has passed from having fallen, and the habit renews its hold. Even if we were resolved and thought we'd turned over a new leaf, we can fall again. Our reason could not command us firmly enough. A base instinct, perhaps, causes our intelligence to be duped. When we are dominated like this, and by evil, we cannot be proud of or trust ourselves.

Regarding personal dignity, we are not entitled to honor because dignity demands that we do not stoop from our rank, that we keep our word unflinchingly. Many times we allow sources of degradation to enter our souls and the powers of our bodies. Instead of the love of God, pride, passion, egoism and caprice have inspired our actions. How often have we given our word to our inner selves, our confessors, and to God--only to break our word, resolutions, and promises. This constitutes a loss of personal dignity, so what honor can we claim?

Our ideal includes our possible history which God ordained in His goodness, including the series of gifts He intended to bestow on us, if we were faithful. He would like to gradually enoble our personalities and daily embellish our destinies. But the reality is that we throw away graces, refuse to make efforts, causing shrinkage. After we repent and God pardons, the plan is mercifully restored by on a smaller scale; finally it is disfigured by our continual failings. God perpetually restores His plan for us; we perpetually destroy it.

If we had attained the ideal God desires for us, our souls would be made more beautiful, more noble. But when we sin and do not cooperate with His ideal for us, we see ugliness, baseness, and gradual diminishing of God's action in us. His image fades and His joy vanishes. What is left to us is to bow our heads in shame, admit guilt, and seek refuge in repentance and humility. "O most merciful God, You will not strike the humbled soul. O God of pity, You will relent before a sinner who confesses his faults...."

"In future, O my God, preserve me from all sin, and leave me with only the keen awareness of my lowliness, that it may accompany me in my personal progress and the success of my zeal; that it may ever stimulate my gratitutde, my desire to make reparation and my love, itself the divine fruit of Your mercy."

Day Thirteen: Myself, the Saints and God. Now we are to contemplate the virtues of the saints and the infinite perfections of God so that we can see our insignificance and through humility, throw off false pretensions and arouse humility. By making a detailed study of the saints we can consider our own virtues, works, and sentiments and what we lack. There is no use in comparing ourselves to base men, for God calls us to be holy, not base.

When viewing the saints' superior lives, we can either be depressed and give up or be inspired to do as they have done. We must ask God to give us the humility to be crushed in the shadow of the saints' greatness but yet have us rise and seek to follow them, as St. Paul writes, "I can do all things in Him who is my strength." Then we will consider the infinite splendor of God and learn the emptiness of self-esteem. In comparison to God's perfection, we will wish to not only humble ourselves before God but also to be held as of no account by men.

The Saints. First we study an apostle. He no longer governs himself but belongs only to God; his zeal extends to the great, and he stoops to the poorest of all. "Fatigue, persecution, and death do but stimulate him; the scourge makes him rejoice." Miracles accompany him and people follow, but he dies and is buried humbly and often without time or place of his martyrdom known. Looking then, to our own zeal, courage, self-sacrifice, divine conquests and personal gifts, we see how pathetic we are. Yet, we still accept praise for the little we accomplish. Even this is humbling to see, admit and accept of ourselves.

Next we think of the virgin martyrs like Sts. Lucy, Agatha or Agnes. "She loved none but jesus, and loved Him with chaste passion....Love has grown in her till there is no room for what is sensual. She will never consent to belong to another mortal. Smiling, she bows her neck to the executioner; for to die means to be united with Jesus." Compare our lives with these virgins' lives of purity, peace and serene love, and we find impure thoughts and dreams, anguish, strife, and a whol past that we have forgotten but that God remembers. We cannot be proud of our imperfect virtue!

The hermits in the desert--St. Antony, St. Hilary and others--lived in oblivion and silence, the eye of God their sole guiding light. "...he is almost perpetually at prayer; he allows himself just enough food and sleep to keep alive; terrifying mortifications daily crucify his body." We see ourselves living in comfort and ease; in this way, we see our pettiness and humble ourselves.

Comparing ourselves to the holy Church doctors, such as Sts. Ambrose, Augustine, John Chrysostom or Thomas, we are in awe of their vast knowledge and writings which yet today exist in vigor, truth and value. How can we be proud of our book learning and degrees, attained by so many; how can we rejoice to see our influence extend but a few yards around us?

Next we think of the contemplative saints: Francis of Assisi, Catherine of Siena, Teresa of Avila, John of the Cross. Consider their spiritual elevation, love, and union with God, their pure and lucid intellects, ardor, perfect detachment, ability to effectively deal with heavenly favors. Compared to their mystical splendor, we should admit how dull and coarse we are. What is the fruit of our attempts at meditation? Are we reached union with God, or does our love grow more pure and noble, more burning and radiant?

Finally, we think about the unknown saints who lived lives hidden and humble, gripped in the hardships of life but having done such good through work, prayer and suffering. Known to God alone or very few, He knows the graces granted through their intercessions. Are we equal to these spiritually happy and calm souls?

Myself and God. "A drop of water beside the ocean, a glow-worm beside the sun; such is the sanctity of man compared withthe perfection of God....O my God, let me set my littleness beside Your infinite majesty...."

"You are omnipotence; I am wekaness. You are immensity; I fill an imperceptible point of space. You are wisdom, peace, harmony, moderation; I am error, improvidence, hastiness, confusion, disorder. You are purity, nobility, complete sanctity absolutely opposed to all evil; I am imperfection, greed, sin."

"You are immutability; you are what You are eternally; what You think and will, You think and will eternally. I am inconsistency, instability; my impressions and tastes change with every passing shadow. You are unspotted, unfailing beauty. All that delights us on earth, all that enchants and enraptures us, is but a faint reflection of Your unutterable beauty."

"So is the genius of man but a reflection of the eternal intelligence; and his heart, the source of all his generous deeds, is but a spark beside the infinite love. What am I, with all my appalling defects, beside the perfections of God?"

After contemplating the saints and God, and ourselves, we open our souls to the urgings of humility. We not only must have deep contempt for ourselves but also must be motivated to emulate the saints and God Himself. Jesus said, "Be ye perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect." God's omnipotence needs from us, in order to make us saints, a lot of humility on our parts.