For Solicitude

The other morning I awoke and was praying and thinking about a person who is loving and gentle and well-intentioned. However, I had tattled on this person, for being in a position of teaching and preaching, has had incident of saying that which is not always theologically correct.

Yes, there is deep within a slight taint of new age ideologies, or at least that slant which, when a person talks extemporaneously, can interject notions which are not truth.

I felt terrible in some ways that I had tattled; and the way in which I felt terrible, mostly, was that I had done nothing to try to change the situation. I had not gone to the person with questions or pointing out the errant thoughts, when they had been spoken. It was an awkward situation to do so. I felt that the person might not recognize the faulty notions; or, if at that one time, would still have this niggling taint within, waiting to come out (as it does) without warning, not always but sometimes.

But I had asked myself during Mass, while the altar was being readied for the consecration, "What have I done to help?" Not much but mention the situation. Others had noticed, but thus far no one had mentioned it to the one I told.

At the time for my reception of the Body of Christ, at that Mass, the light grew bright and yellow. Right before I bowed, I had what would be called operating grace from the Holy Spirit. This means that what God willed was more or less infused into me so that I saw what I could offer for this person for whom I had concerns.

I made the offering quite willingly, practically without thinking, for the grace came in a flash of thought. What is so wretched, however, is my immediate reaction. "Ugh!" was the response, as I considered what all my offering could very well entail. It would mean suffering of some sort, of an unknown duration.

Over the next night and day I considered my reaction. I also considered just how selfish I'd become, how resistant to zeal for souls, how self-willed in not wanting my body, time and energy to be way-laid for what "I" had in mind to "do"--and good things to do.

This is not how a person striving for union with Christ should react! This is not how a victim soul of the Sacred Heart should respond!

Thus, I heard two words: for solicitude.

Now, what is that? I looked them up in the dictionary, and solicitude means care or concern for someone or something. Also, I received a stomach ache. It continued for two days, and it was just enough to remind me constantly of the one for whom I'd offer to suffer. It seemed rather symbolic--the rancid stomach--of the offense of this person--just a niggling enough offense to not be so noticed, like vomiting, but yet very much inside and present, waiting to lurch out.

I went to confession regarding my selfish self-will and my lack of love for God, for truly to not love others enough to be willing to lay down one's life--what love is that?

I have no stomach ache today. For solicitude is very important for our souls: to have deep enough concern for others, enough to be willing to set all else aside if necessary, including our lives.