The Cost of Catholicism

I know that my life may be not the typical, and that I have undoubtedly made many mistakes in fervor and devotion, but there has very much been a cost to my being Catholic. Yet, when I view the relationships in my life, and the events that have been difficult in the past 12 years, if I did not have Catholicism, what would I have?

I would still have much suffering but without purpose. I would still not have a husband as he left me when rather maimed. My adult children would still be on their own, elsewhere, and no guarantee that they would be any closer unless I was more progressive, which I doubt I would be since I have died to the world, more than perhaps I comprehend. I would still not have my career or better physical health. I would not have daily Mass or weekly confession or books on saints, prayer, interior spiritual life, ascetical and mystical theology, Mariology, Christology, or Scriptural exegesis, Catholic style. I would not have the religious art, sacramentals, devotions.

I would probably have more friends if I could still enjoy movies and novels and lunches out. But before Catholicism, I was already losing savor for matters of the world, superficial.

I would maybe be content to write a novel or mystery, as I would not comprehend anything more meaningful.

A friend e-mailed today reminding me that the reason for this journey is to hope in the beatific vision someday, for eternity, and not for happiness necessarily in this life.

Note: I do realize that my blogs are not of interest to people, are too long, and are highly personalized of my journey.